Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
