Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
