woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
