He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
