Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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