how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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