So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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