Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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