I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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