so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
