I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i dont even know how to be here
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
