I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
