fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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