I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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