I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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