Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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