My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
