I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
