just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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