ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
false alarm. still invincible.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
