too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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