That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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