there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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