did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
