U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
