Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
