We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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