I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
