U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
