Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
