Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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