Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
