Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
