Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
