My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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