Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
