apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
