would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
