A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So apparently I’m into choking now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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