Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
