Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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