I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
