He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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