i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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