last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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