My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
