Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
