The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You are the jesus of drinking
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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