You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
