we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
